КАК ПРАВИЛЬНО СТРОИТЬ ОТНОШЕНИЯ?

Есть известный афоризм о том, что люди часто предлагают партнеру стать друзьями, когда собираются порвать отношения, хотя с этого их нужно было начинать. Не будем забывать, что отношения мужчины и женщины – это, прежде всего, отношения человека с человеком, и для их гармонизации применимы те же способы, которые помогают улучшить отношения с любыми людьми. Почему-то мы часто забываем об этом и, найдя свою «вторую половинку», со временем начинаем предъявлять к ней слишком высокие требования, считая, что уж с любимым-то человеком можно расслабиться и вести себя как заблагорассудится, он ведь нас любит и должен понять. Но, к сожалению или к счастью, природа создала нас в единственном экземпляре, и нет никого на планете, кто мог бы понять нас целиком и полностью. Поэтому вспомним основы построения хороших отношений:


- Уважение. Каждый имеет право на высказывание собственного мнения и принятие собственных решений. Руководствуясь принципом «Кто не с нами – тот против нас», долгосрочные отношения вряд ли построишь.


- Общение. В данном случае я говорю не об обмене фактами и новостями, а об обмене эмоциями и чувствами. Говорите партнеру, что вы чувствуете по поводу тех или иных событий, стремитесь понять, как к ним относится он. Если ваш избранник держит свои чувства при себе, то вам-то точно не стоит этого делать – чрезмерная закрытость сделает отношения фальшивыми и ненатуральными. Старайтесь не говорить слишком много обиняками и намеками, вспомните детскую игру в «глухой» телефон. Спросите любого мужчину – лучше он сразу узнает, что именно вам не понравилось, чем через месяц вы устроите ему истерику и выскажите сразу все, что накопилось в душе за это время.


- Терпение. Чтобы съесть яблоко, нужно сначала посадить семечко, вырастить саженец, дать ему возможность зацвести и завязать плоды. Так и с отношениями. Какие-то чувства возникают сразу, для созревания других требуется время. Если вы делаете что-то для улучшения ваших отношений, будьте готовы к тому, что результат может появиться не сразу. Но крохотная капля точит твердый камень, говорит народная мудрость. Дайте вашему партнеру какое-то время, чтобы измениться внутренне. Если у вас скоро намечается свадьба, почитайте самые популярные свадебные приметы.


- Инициатива. Отношения – это дорога с двухсторонним движением, но кто-то должен быть первым. Если отношения хотите наладить вы, то за вами и первый ход. Возможно и второй. Ну а если после этого ваш партнер не делает движения вам навстречу, придется вспомнить еще одно правило, старое как мир:


- Насильно мил не будешь. Любовь без взаимности – одно из самых тяжелых переживаний человека и иногда заставляет человека пойти на все, что угодно, силой заставить себя полюбить. Увы, итогом такого поведения обычно остаются полностью разрушенные отношения, перечеркивающие то хорошее, что было в них раньше, разочарование, чувство униженности и обида на всю жизнь.








http://kakpravilno.info/2011/02/kak-pravilno-stroit-otnosheniya/

What Becoming An Aunt Taught Me About Love

Growing up I thought babies were the cutest creatures in the universe and oh-so fun to have around. And I always thought and that one day I will have one of my own, just part of the traditional order of things: meet a man, get married, have babies, repeat with the next generation. And I wanted that. I really, really did.But then, over time, something shifted. I got older. Life started to unroll in front of me. Real life. Not just those blissful early years that look like a blur of wishing on stars, Popsicle, piano practice and incessantly long school days. I went to college. I started a career... I grew up. My friends and I vented over how overwhelming adulthood was, how hard it was finding decent men to date—not to mention it was clear I had a lot of personal journeying to do before settling down. As I thought about, dabbled in and eventually wrote about romantic love, I had to wonder if a good partner actually existed for me. Where was he?

I fantasized about marriage, about a wedding and that incredible husband... but with all the pressures and stressors life piled onto my shoulders, babies had fallen off my wish list. I just didn't feel that longing anymore. The maternal instincts that I'd once been convinced were programmed in me—somewhere between womanly intuition and romantic attraction—had somehow dissolved. I couldn't picture myself rocking a newborn in the early morning hours or changing innumerable dirty diapers. Maybe sleepless nights, dark circles painted under my eyes, disheveled hair and spit-up stains weren't for me after all. I mean, that was the essence of motherhood, right? Taking care of myself was challenging enough. I couldn't imagine feeling responsible for another person's survival. Maybe I'd lost something over the years. Or maybe, as much as the notion hurt me, I just didn't have it in me.

But then, it happened. I hadn't just imagined those early instincts.

Last November, my nephew was born. I remember the trip to visit him in the hospital, his first day on this earth. The hallway to that hospital room was long and dim, and I grew tentative as I approached, hearing a rush of activity and visitors inside. When I entered, suddenly all eyes were on me. "Do you want to hold him?" my sister asked. And the next thing I remember is observing this tiny, perfect little human who was resting in my arms.

He didn't cry. He never opened his eyes. He just slept soundly near my heart, his little body rising and falling with every breath. As I looked at him, I knew:

This baby is going to change my life.

Suddenly, it all came back to me. Loving a baby was a natural skill. I congratulated the parents on their beautiful child, and I left the hospital a couple hours later understanding why so many women became mothers. It's a gift. And since last November I've discovered that being an aunt is one too.
I've watched him grow from a tiny infant, to an inquisitive baby, to a fearless toddler and now a joyful little boy. I've often mused that while his mom and grandma are his caretakers, I'm more like his buddy. We play with toys and wander the house together trying to walk, step by step. I tote him on my hip and show him the falling leaves, the sun setting. His personality develops little by little, everyday, and my perspective on life—and my understanding of my role in the universe—evolves right along with it.
That's the great thing about being an aunt, especially if you are lucky enough to experience it before you become a mother. It's a taste of what's ahead, a perspective-changer. I see life as a step-by-step process and, like babies taking their first steps, we all progress at different paces. But it's important to think ahead, to anticipate the later steps while you're still mid-stride on the present one.

Also very importantly, being an aunt has highlighted, underlined and bolded my priorities as I search for romantic love. Mr. Right must have the qualities of a good father—sensitivity, commitment, flexibility, selflessness, strength and quiet confidence. He needs to be the head of the household, and be a caring dad, because that's the other thing about being an aunt. Although I'm a buddy most of the time, I'm also a caretaker when my nephew needs me. I give him hugs when he cries. I know when he's hungry, tired or just crabby from teething. Babies need non-stop assurance and patience... just like us. My nephew has given me one of the greatest gifts I will ever receive: an understanding of what it means to love. Thanks to what he's taught me, I now know I'm capable of being a not only a wife, but a mom. I have a (nearly) one-year-old to thank for that. While today I'm an aunt, a buddy and friend, I can see myself transitioning into the role of mother. Until I met my nephew, I had no idea how much love I had to give. Now I get what raw, real human love looks like. It's selfless. It's unconditional. No strings attached. It's necessary in any great relationship. And it's something I will seek out in a spouse as I move, step by step, through my life.

female friendships; friendships man and woman

I've been catching myself lately thinking about people in my life, friends, and friendship. There is a Russian saying "you will know who your true friends are when you are in trouble". So, here I am trying to understand what is true friend, what are friends, and what are friends in between.
Do we choose our friends? Are there friends at all? Do we always act from an Ego?  do we always want something back in return from our friends, or our friendship is unconditional? And what about when you don't hear from them in a while, and you speculate and wonder, why he/she can't just pick up the phone and dial you, and your friend perhaps thinks the same. And here we are waiting on one another to make a first move. While time is passing, months are passing, and nothing happens. I thought of calling first, actually I always did,if its a female friend, then its not an issue calling any time of the day. But if its a male friend,then here is were riddle hides.
Are we only being friends with those whom we enjoy, or learn from, or can "receive" something that we will benefit from?
I personally not clear what true friendship looks like, and feels. Always thought that I was a good friend, while growing up, I had many acquaintances, and only two or three close friends. Those are still in my life, but life has drifted us apart trough years. Oceans separate me with my childhood friend,and only few blocks separates me with another.


why do we become so absorbed in daily mundane life and much absorbed in our own issues,that we only remember friends when we suddenly left alone in our solitude.

I believe that we come into this life alone, with nothing and we leave this life alone with nothing.
How do we become a better friend, how do we know what is what, who is who? I've learned that first we must master to balance our ego and our intuition. Our ego can work for us, and not against us. If you want to have friends, be a good friend first. Learn not to expect much from another, practice compassion and empathy.

Yes, and the friendship between man and a woman...is not possible. or is it ?

I have few good gay gays friends and I enjoy our friendship. But I am talking about... yes, that kind. When you met him, he is into you and you are not. You offer "friendship" he takes it. Another scenario, is you are into him and he is "confused" and offers to be friends. In my opinion its a torture for the one who has feelings. Why would you stick around, oh yes...there is hope, right? maybe he will see how great you are and will change his mind. I've been there before.

Well, I do believe, that great, everlasting relationships starts up as an awesome friendship first. Sigh...and not vice verse.

Ok, I will leave it at that for now...I guess time will show....!?

today's thoughts out lound

I often wonder about how some people come into our lives and stay for a while,some stay for ever, some leave and come back multiple times...and some never return...even though secretly we very much want them to return into our lives, while subconsciously knowing that its time to move on.

why love hurts...?

(Osho) " The man who is without love is narcissistic, he is closed. He knows only himself. And how much can he know himself if he has not known the other, because only the other can function as a mirror? You will never know yourself without knowing the other. Love is very fundamental for self-knowledge too. The person who has not known the other in deep love, in intense passion, in utter ecstasy, will not be able to know who he is, because he will not have the mirror to see his own reflection.Relationship is a mirror, and the purer the love is, the higher the love is, the better the mirror the cleaner the mirror. But the higher love needs that you should be open. The higher love needs you to be vulnerable. You have to drop your armor’ that is painful. You have not to be constantly on guard. You have to drop the calculating mind. You have to risk. You have to live dangerously. The other can hurt you’ that is the fear in being vulnerable. The other can reject you’ that is the fear in being in love. The reflection that you will find in the other of your own self may be ugly’ that is the anxiety. Avoid the mirror. But by avoiding the mirror you are not going to become beautiful. By avoiding the situation you are not going to grow either. The challenge has to be taken.Many times we stay in relationships based on old programs or beliefs that attracted us to our partner in the first place. If we learn to love ourselves (where we feel deserving and worthy of love) and ourpartner stays stagnate…how can we love someone who doesn’t love themselves "?
Osho

Что же такое любовь- by Osho

Любовь -это не страсть, любовь -это не эмоция. Любовь -это очень глубокое понимание того, что кто-то завершает тебя. Кто-то делает тебя замкнутым кругом. Присутствие другого увеличивает твое присутствие. Любовь дает тебе свободу быть собой; это не чувство собственности. Поэтому наблюдай -никогда не считай секс любовью, иначе ты будешь обманут. Будь бдителен и когда ты начнеш чувствовать с кем-то, что самого его присутствия, чистого присутствия -ничего больше, ничего больше не нужно; ты ничего больше не просишь, лишь присутствие, лишь то, что другой есть, -достаточно, чтобы сделать тебя счастливым... Что-то в тебе расцветает, распускается тысяча и один лотос, и тогда ты любишь. И тогда ты можешь пройти через все трудности, которые создает реальность. Многие боли, многие тревоги -и ты сможешь пройти через них, и твоя любовь будет цвести больше и больше, потому что все эти ситуации станут вызовами. И твоя любловь, преодолевая их, будет становится более и более сильной. Любовь -это вечность. Если она есть, тогда она продолжает расти и расти.Любовь знает начало, но никогда не знает конца.


Osho

Flows by the Law of Least Resistance....humble existence

My humble existence since I decided to walk away from my two year job in Westchester in March,2011 had made me realize a lot of things about myself, life, and our material world as well as spiritual.
Still unemployed, and at times feeling that the light at the end of the tunnel will never shine me the way out, I have my low days where I don't even feel like getting up,and just close my eyes and disappear from the harsh and painful reality,and my high days where I'm full of hope inspiration and energy,knowing that its all orchestrated for my highest good.
I've learned and still learning that I can live without certain things that couldn't imagine existing, and thinking were necessary to me before,such as expensive clothes,and twenty pair of shoes. Basic food,that I need to survive on is merely so little that I can sustain my energy levels, no need for fancy caviar and red vine. Exercise that is possible to do at home without spending fortune on gym membership,just so you can use their fresh towel services or watch TV while running on a treadmill.
Spiritual unseen world is all around us, and I've learned that if I constantly sharpen my senses and follow my gut feeling (aka intuition) amazing Divine arrangements start happening that are simply beyond explanation. No...money didn't fall out of the sky to me,but people and situations did that lead me to new job interviews and new meetings.
I also learned that people will always let you down, but if you drop all the expectations it will be much more easier, you still can trust them anyway, you only try to be more in touch with your intuition and use your "inner-filter" cautiously, because in the end of the day you still love and forgive and it helps tremendously for my spiritual growth.
Of course its just impossible to live without internet and mobile phones nowadays,and I am grateful for still having this powerful and helpful connection that aids me to network and search for new avenues of exploring my creativity and network.

Falling down is a part of life...getting back up is living..!!!

<3<3<3