"Expectation Setting"...Or Not.

I've had a series of conversations, of late, with a certain someone about "expectation setting."

Liz... you need to lower your expectations about life.". Ahhh...I always cringe when I hear that. What life lesson is there in realizing that you can't have this or that?

Well, a multitude of reasons ...that you can't always get what you think you'll get, or what you want. It's true, I know. For starters, I'm in a totally different job or location than I ever imagined. Never imagined this would be my life.

But in everyday life, especially with relationships, expectations are sometimes hard to manage.Whether it be that we believe we deserve something, or have been raised in a certain mentality that "this" is how it is and if it's not, then we must either keep seeking or realize we are settling for less than best.

On that note - No, I will never be an "average" height for women. No, I was not born into wealth and will always have to work harder than those who are to provide for my family.

And no, and my concept of what a relationship is, should be or could be has yet to shape up to reality. Few serious relationships that can take several years of your life and a myriad of smaller dating episodes can leave you jaded, right? Yet this whole "lower expectations" mentality feels like bogus and the demise of finding a satisfying love life...or is it?

On the subject of men, this is a particularly disarming topic. Does lowering expectations mean I must accept the extra pounds on his waist, the annoying way he talks with his mouth full, isn't a certain size, or that he's starting to bald and he's not even 30?

I'd like to say, "it isn't so, sister", but somehow I think it's the contrary.

Unfortunately, the above items are a frequent stumbling blocks for those of us in the mode of I demand "perfection" of the men in my life. And this isn't just size and surface level physical appearances. The "perfect" man opens doors for me, calls me back within 24 hours of a date, asks me about my day and my life, he invites me to join the "guys" on occasion, etc.

That said, there's something to be learned. And I don't think dating is about re-setting expectations...entirely.
We just need to decide what's worth fighting for, or not.

If he doesn't brush his teeth before bed, well, can you truly see it "not working" over that? Versus his religious value system or vast differences of opinions on how you would raise kids. That's a game-changer, and makes other items seem so much more insignificant.

Single? Yes.
Why? Expectations - about what a relationship "is", what we want it to be and how a man treats us on a date versus also being focusing on the bigger issues..the items that honestly, should surface sooner than later. Life philosophies are more important than if he brushes his teeth before bed, or wears the latest trendy shoes.